Cursed To The Alpha

Andrei. Three days and still no sleep. The immense lack of much-needed rest irritates me as I watch the sunrise. I spend the entire night again, staring at the shadows on the roof, with no reprieve from the thoughts racing through my head. The "what if's and could have been’s" slowly get to me. Not even the screams of the rogue in the basement helped. I killed him too quickly. They never last long enough and don’t let me hear exactly how much pain I am causing, or maybe their pain doesn’t affect me because it doesn’t make mine hurt any less. I need their screams more than my next breath. Their suffering soothes the pain that burns in my chest. Even a couple of minutes more would give me the relief I seek. However, I can not afford for Kat to hear him scream, and she has been showing up unannounced lately to check on me, fearing that I killed him too quickly and for nothing. Kat’s hearing is even more heightened than ours. She seems suspicious of me lately, wary. The damn phone rings, but I can’t find it in myself to care enough to check it. I can’t move a muscle as I stare into the distance and listen to its incessant ringing. After a while, the ringing stops, and I almost feel like I can breathe again until it starts all over again. “Just answer it, Andrei. You aren’t the only one who is tired,” Donnie growls in my head. I roll on my side and reach for the damn thing. As I grip the device and turn it around to glance at the screen, I see my sister's face pop up on display. It is a picture of her, Angie, and some other girl. Jasmine, that was the third one’s name. All of them were at school in the photo. So many times, I have thought about clearing the phone storage and ridding myself of everything that reminds me of her, but I can not bring myself to delete it, even though it hurts every time I see my mate’s face light up the screen of my phone. “Hey, sis,” I answer her call with a loud sigh. “Have you spoken to dad?” she asks me. It is such a ‘her’ behavior, the no-nonsense and straight-to-the-point personality. I rub a hand down my face as if that will help me get rid of the now chronic tiredness and sit up. My eyes take in the room, and another sigh leaves me. With great effort, I force myself to climb out of bed. “No, I haven’t spoken to Derrick in a few days, why?” I mutter, walking around the room. My eyes search for something, but I'm not sure what exactly, as I’m still too tired to function. After a slight pause, my sister speaks. “I was going to see if he wanted to come to my birthing class. Mateo has to take over patrol, and now I have no one to go with.” What started as an explanation now sounds more like whining or some twisted plea, I can’t decide which. “Where is Ezra?” I should be able to push this on someone else because if this conversation is going where I think it is - I don’t want to go. “Meetings,” she sighs with a hurt little huff. Ah, damn it. This is the last thing I want to do, but I also hate upsetting her. If I come clean with my sister and tell her how much I don’t want to be a part of it my words will hurt her, regardless of what excuse I use. “What time is the class?” I ask and pinch the bridge of my nose. “In an hour.” she perks up, sounding unreasonably excited. Good, she can be excited for both of us. I roll my eyes. “Fine, I will take you. I don’t have to do anything, do I?” I barely hold back from cursing out loud, not wanting to sound like the biggest passive-aggressive asshole ever. “Really? You would go?” she gasps, completely ignorant of my previous slip-up. I can hear the shock in her voice. Little did she know I would do anything for her. Regardless of how busy or angry at the world, I might be. I will drop everything and run to her just to see her smile. I have always wanted a sister or a brother growing up, I wanted a real family, a big one. Kat is my family, and a little sis I would die for. “Yes, why wouldn’t I?” I ask her, pretending that her reaction surprises me. “Just can’t picture you wanting to go,” she admits without missing a beat. “Do you want me to go or not, Kat?” I will do anything for her, but this back-and-forth game is getting to me. Clearly, she called me to talk me into accompanying her, so why is she backtracking now? “Yes, but you don’t have to. I can get a lift into town.” She sounds a little wary as if she’s trying to convince me that my company isn’t what she needs, or maybe she is trying to convince herself. She should know by now that I’m not one to break my word. I roll my eyes again and chuckle. "I'll see you in an hour," I promise and hang up the phone before she can come up with more excuses or ways to get out of this. I grab a pair of jeans and a button-down shirt, laying them on the bed, and I head for the shower. Pretty sure Kat would not appreciate me walking in covered from head to toe in blood. If I risk it all and pull a stunt like that, she will know what I have been up to. I shower quickly, but pay extra attention to my skin and hair. Getting blood out of my hair takes the most time, but I manage to finish, get dressed, and leave the house on time. The drive there takes thirty minutes, and Kat is already waiting out front when I pull into her driveway. I reach over the passenger seat, open the door for her, and she climbs in. “Seatbelt,” I instruct her when her butt hits the seat. “They are uncomfortable,” Kat whines and crosses her arms in front of her chest. Sometimes she acts like a child, so I remind myself that a little scolding or a harsher word won’t hurt her. Always the same damn argument. I don’t understand why she bothers. She tries to pull off the puppy-dog eyes to convince me I don’t need to force her to buckle up. I simply twist the key in the ignition and turn off my car. “We aren’t moving until you’re wearing your seatbelt,” I argue. I know she is young, but her hissy fits will not work on me, Queen or not, she is still my sister. She rolls her eyes before reaching for it. “Fine,” she grunts, clicking it into place before adjusting it around her stomach. I smirk, nod, and start the car. “You are just as bad as them,” she mutters under her breath as she reaches for the radio and flicks through the stations till she finds one she likes. After a moment of silence, Kat perks up and glances at me. “How is the pack?” She asks. “Fine, working. What do you do in the birthing class thing?” I try to switch topics. The pack and any business revolving around it isn’t something I want to discuss with her. It might sound selfish, but I want to use this chance as an escape from my everyday misery. “Mainly breathing exercises,” she answers, glancing out the window as if the scenery is more interesting than my presence or the conversation she started. I know I have no right to feel this way, but her lack of enthusiasm stings, just a little, but it does. Especially since I have no interest in going to this birthing class, the least she can do is make conversation. “Like meditation?” I spit out the first guess that crosses my mind. “No, it’s more like a group of women sitting in a circle and panting like heifers. I believe it’s to see who turns red-faced first or whatever.” Kat explains and looks at me just to roll her eyes. A corner of my lip twitches. It has to be Mateo who signed her up for this class. There’s no way she is the one who decided to join it. I know she hates meditation, remembering how she told me she was wasting her time every time I tried when I was trying to get her to shift. But since I have this wonderful opportunity to annoy her, I grasp it. “You seem really interested in it,” I say to her sarcastically. “Mateo signed me up for it,” she mutters, confirming my suspicion. “And besides, it gets me out of the house. Oh, take the next left,” Kat points her finger at the road. I follow the directions she gives me in silence. We drive for a while until she points out a decent-sized house and tells me to park my car in the driveway. “This is it?” I ask, studying the house. I take in the overall setting. The house reminds me more of a cottage, not a home. It has cottage-style gardens all around it and if that’s not enough to convince me, the building is an actual cottage - the location adds the final straw. Located just on the outskirts of the town. Kat opens her door and clambers out. I quickly follow her and walk the small path leading to the house. Even from afar, I can hear the chatter of women and their partners inside the building. As I open the front door and walk inside, the place smells heavily of lavender. The scent hits me so suddenly that I almost lose my balance because of how overwhelmingly powerful it is. Once I scan the surroundings, the little water fountains and a huge room catches my attention. It doesn’t take a genius to understand that the owners of the building have gutted the house to open it up. A dark-haired woman walks over to us. Her hair is cut in a bob, which reminds me of an unsuccessful bowl cut attempt. Her eyes land on me, and she stops in mid-step. “My Queen,” she acknowledges Kat, while still eyeing me. If this is her attempt to be subtle, I wonder if I should point out how obvious she’s actually being. “Alpha,” the woman nods her head to acknowledge my presence and returns her gaze to Kat. She’s clearly beyond confused, and a part of me really wants to remind her of her place, but I can’t do that - it might upset Kat. “Mateo couldn’t make it. So, this is Andrei, my brother.” Kat grins and places her hand on my shoulder, shaking my body a little. “Oh, you brought your brother with you?” The woman drags out. At this point, she’s not even trying to act low-key, and both Kat and I notice how strange the woman thinks my presence is. Now I wish Derrick was around just to see her reaction to him coming here with her. So what if my sister needs me during whatever red-faced breathing class she’s taking? As if anyone has the right to tell the Queen who she can ask to tag along or not. This isn’t weird, not at all. As much as I fight against the urge to remind the woman where she stands since she can’t stop staring at us, I lose my patience and take a step closer. “Don’t make it weird, lady, just show us where to go,” I snap. Kat instantly nudges me with her elbow. I glance down at my sister and raise an eyebrow. “What? She is the one who is making things weird. I don’t need some stuck-up lady to look at me like I am some creep, getting his jollies off on pregnant women.” I explain the reasoning behind my thoughts, and I say rather politely. “No. That’s not… Wait what?” The woman stutters and gives up once I turn my gaze back to her and smirk. I would love seeing her explain herself now. Her shoulders slump and she sighs in defeat. “Oh, never mind, just take a seat. Kat will show you where to go,” the woman sighs, rushing away from us. I almost feel bad for making her uncomfortable. Almost. Kat sits on a yoga ball in the center of the circle the women and their partners had formed. I find a spot near her and sit on the floor. While I struggle to find a more comfortable position, Donnie growls in my head, clearly unhappy to be here. He doesn’t understand anything, so I shove him back. Although he still resists, he finally settles down when I remind him a couple of times, that we are doing this for Kat, and he can’t be the selfish fuck he usually is. Mostly, the class is made up of breathing exercises, just the same as Kat described in the car. However, when the woman grabs a remote and flicks on a flat-screen TV, a few of the men present groan. My face twists up in disgust as a birthing video plays for everyone to watch. The women have mixed reactions watching the birth. Kat is fascinated by it as she sits between my legs, mesmerized. Some are downright horrified, and one man manages to faint even before the video gets to the gruesome parts. A low chuckle escapes me as I think how great of a birthing partner the fainting princess will be. If he can’t even handle a video, how will he handle the real thing? The woman that runs the meeting fans him with a piece of paper, while his mate looks like she is about to murder him for fainting. I shake my head, turning back to the video when a hand pats my chest, making me look up to see Mateo. Thank Fucking God! “Thanks for bringing her,” he says, and Kat looks up at him with a big grin on her face. The view is somewhat bittersweet. I’m happy for my sister, but watching her light up at seeing her mate just reminds me about the hole in my own chest. I watch her a little longer until Kat leans forward and lets me get back to my feet. Leaning down, I kiss her cheek and step aside to let Mateo take my spot. “I will ring you later,” I promise Kat. Before I can walk away, Mateo grips my forearm and squeezes it in a silent thanks. He then turns back to Kat and I slowly back away from the fuss. Mateo has always been so patient with her. He's always eager to do what Kat wants. She even had him show up at my home a few days ago for a cucumber. Kat was craving them, and he drove over to my pack to get her one since the shops were out. Poor guy has himself wrapped around Kat’s finger, and he doesn’t understand that. No, scratch that, Mateo is more than happy to be where he stands. Now, I make sure to drop some cucumbers over there every time I visit, since we grow most of our stuff anyway. “Thank God, watching that shit, I nearly contemplated turning gay,” Donnie whines as I almost drown in laughter. I hide my amusement and shake my head at my wolf. I leave the place with an extra hop to my step. I’m more than happy to spend time with my sister, but now that Mateo is there I can leave her and can go out and hunt down another rogue. I lost the only distraction I had keeping me from needing it. The urge for their screams to drown out the wails of my pack. I need to see their dead faces instead of hers. To do anything to get the image of what they did to her out of my head if only for a few moments of peace. Once I return home, I get out of my car to see one of my pack members waiting at the door of the packhouse. His fear is so strong I can smell it from afar. The stench enrages me. They don’t need to be scared about anything. Nothing and no one is getting in or out of this pack, but all of them are still too afraid to go about their normal lives. How am I supposed to feel if even my pack members refuse to act normal? “Alpha?” he greets, baring his neck. His blonde locks fall in his eyes as I approach him. His green eyes are fearful when I step in front. “What is it, Clay?” I ask, annoyed. I know they hear the rogues screaming, but they have no reason to fear me. It isn't any of them strapped to the table. “A few of the unmated wolves want your permission to leave," Clay stammers, focusing his gaze on his feet. “What for?” I watch his Adam’s apple bob in his throat. “Speak, I haven't got all day,” I snap, annoyed he is wasting my time. “They want to go in search of their mates,” he says so quickly that his words jumble together, and he stutters. If there is anything I hate more than rogues, it’s showing weakness. My pack isn’t weak, and none of the pack members should pretend to be that way. “Why do they need permission to do that?” I ask, genuinely confused, and he drops his head. Is the question too complicated? Why would my people ask for my permission to find their mates outside the pack? Not like they can find them here unless they suddenly switched sides and, by some miracle, find their mates within each other after a lifetime of growing up together? “We just thought to tell you… Since we lost Luna-” I cut off his words, a loud growl tearing out of me. I don’t notice how fast I move until my hands are around his throat. I’m not sure if it’s my doing or if I can blame Donnie. As I add more pressure to his neck, his hands clutch mine and his eyes widen in horror.